why do I hate rest day overtime

Once again, the office asked us to do rest day overtime because we are so failing in service level, the company is paying the client thousands of dollars. Our team doesn't want to at all, but well nothing you can do.

But our beloved coach did something that gave us a choice. We can go on OT on a half-day for 4 hours or not. Coach is not forcing us to do OT if we don't want to. He's like my parents who don't force me to do what I don't want unless necessary. I chose to do rest day OT because and no, it's not because of one of my teammates (ok maybe it is one reason), but because I don't want to see the visitors we have at home who're staying in until Sunday.

Now that I am here in the office taking calls I regretted my decision. First, I think I took a risk of failing a survey by coming here on a weekend (and my coach goes into explosive mode when one of his agents fail). Second, our coach suddenly left because he had a stomachache, which left us at a loss if our schedule for next week has been changed or not. We had a bad schedule and most of us (including me) are late risers. Coming to work at 6am is not cute.

So I'm at a loss.

I got to work and everyone seems to be glum. Or at least that's how I feel. I was raving a bit calling the customer an asshole and got reprimanded by one of my teammates who is our oic.

Almost an hour before I leave. I hope this is worth the time I wasted here in the office. I only slept for 2 hours this afternoon and I feel tired. I just feel energetic because I am almost leaving.

what is with people today?!

Bad moods sure run in the group right now. It all started with a mandatory OT from the office since our service level sucks so badly that we're being fined thousands of dollars already. That's capitalism for you.

We didn't like mandatory OT's but we have no choice. Either we go to work on weekends or get fired. What a life.

Then our coach is in one of his explosive moods. Argh. What's new.

I'm in a bad mood myself because I am being dislocated from my room because of some stranger who is the brother of my mom's cousin or whoever (couldn't care less) and his wife (the bitch) are going to stay over for the next two days. Dammit! Can't they find somewhere else to stay?! Don't they know that our house is only good enough for 4 people?! IDIOTS.

I wish this month is over.

sadness

Has it ever occured to anyone who's interested why there are some people who are NOT that lucky when it comes to the matters of the heart? For instance, why do some always fall for someone knowing that you can't have him/her? If he/she is not taken, you're not his/her type at all or you're just stuck as friends.

I've had enough. I just want to give it up and live my life as is, without pain, without joy, without love, without meaning....

I don't want to waste my life and my tears on something I know I cannot even attain. But even if that's the case, the same feeling still persists regardless of the pain and the heartbreak that comes along with it.

A deep sense of sadness covers my heart, overwhelming and painful that it leaves me at a loss.

LUST

¹lust
Pronunciation: 'l&st
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German lust pleasure and perhaps to Latin lascivus wanton
1 obsolete a : PLEASURE, DELIGHT b : personal inclination : WISH
2 : usually intense or unbridled sexual desire : LASCIVIOUSNESS
3 a : an intense longing : CRAVING b : ENTHUSIASM, EAGERNESS

This is defined from http://www.webster.com and here's another one from Microsoft Encarta Dictionary Tools:

lust [lust]
n
1. sexual desire: the strong physical desire to have sex with somebody, usually without associated feelings of love or affection

2. eagerness: great eagerness or enthusiasm for something
* the lust for power

[Old English , “pleasure, desire.” Ultimately, from an Indo-European word meaning “to be eager,” which is also the ancestor of English lascivious.]

It is more blunt in the Encarta, but regardless where and how it's defined, lust is lust: an intense sexual craving for someone. Intense. Sexual. Painful. Craving. Scary. Very, very scary.

Especially if the object of your passion is just near you, yet so far. The feeling is so strong that you want to fuck him or be fucked silly. You watch him from afar and wonder how his hands would feel touching your body...wondering how his lips would feel on your own lips...wondering how his tongue would feel caressing your skin...wondering how his body would feel moving against yours...wondering how he would feel inside you...wondering if he would fulfill all your fantasies and give you ecstasy...wondering when after all the passion has been spent if you would still want him to do you until you scream for him to stop and when he stopped you wonder if you still have the yearning to scream for him to start all over...

And you're left with that...wondering. Because you know for a fact that this is not going to happen in real life. You're just in your own dream world with him as the center of your desires. Only in your deepest and darkest delusions would you ever experience sexual gratification. Then when you're done dreaming all you feel is sexual frustration because you know that deep in the recesses of your mind that you can't have him...not in the way you want to.

Intensity

It never occured to me that intense attraction could lead to intense pain. I mean it's obvious that I am in-love with a previous guy (and still is) but this new guy suddenly caught my attention that I suddenly forgot about him.

Jokes are half-meant right? It was my fault getting carried away by all the jokes I get within the team. It has a manner of worming its way to my heart. It is not helping that he is sweet and has a low booming voice, which are two of my weaknessess in a man. Reiterating, I got carried away.

A colleague of mine said that the reason why we're being teased is because we're both good sports. Him, I'd understand but me? I'm a sore loser or pikon in Filipino. But I just decided to ride along since they're just jokes right?

So how the hell did I ended up taking it seriously?

Has it been possible that I fell for him without knowing it? Gee, I think I just answered my own question. Scrap that.

It hurts real bad when you know that he is within reach but at the same time you know that he's too far. I vented out my hurt by blabbing out to Sparky my cat who just stared at me blankly. He must be wondering if his mistress had gone nuts. It was also the reason why I took my cat to bed with me when I took a nap this afternoon. I need a live version of a stuffed toy to comfort me (and bite me as well to show that my kitty loves me).

I woke up later in the evening feeling better and dressed in my most unusual (bleached denims) which made some notice on it. My coach said that bleached denims are not allowed (of course he was joking). His girlfriend also kidded me about it as well. But on my way to work I was feeling hurt and wondering on how to cope for the next few days with him around all the time.

Earlier and until now I can hear his voice across me and I can see him, which is such a torment believe me. I'm just making myself strong because I know that this is not going to work.

I'm sick and tired of one-sided attraction. It's not cute anymore. Is it too much to ask to have a man who would love me for who and inspite of who I am?! Is it too much to ask?! Is it too much to ask to at least have an intense two-way attraction, something that takes your breath away?!

Maybe if I stopped brooding about it, it would come on its own. As the zen saying goes...if you want something, stop wanting it.

You know, despite of my harsh tongue and cynical nature I am a hopeless romantic, which is quite a contrast if you ask me.

I need to enjoy my life, with or without a man. But I also want to share my life with a man. Does that make sense?

picture cutie

I found this picture in a tech forum and I liked it so much. Those who are in tech support (even if they're not) would prefectly understand this picture. This is so hilarious.

Something to think about

I went to McDonald's and bought an upgraded meal with an audio CD. I chose the Best Male since the Best Female and the Best Love has Jessica Simpson and I don't like her. The songs are marvelous and one track caught my attention. It's called "Meant to Live" by Switchfoot.

Why? It just reminded me of what I am undergoing through right now. I'm still a Level 1 agent and not sure what I would do beyond July. "Meant to Live" is something that makes me think about things.

Meant to Live
By: Switchfoot

Fumbling his confidence
And wond’ring why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he’s meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

nutcase

I must be insane when I applied for PS. But I did apply for that position and was interviewed this morning. I was being my usual wacky self but I hope that they won't think I am a violent (there was a question that they asked on how to deal with another PS who is causing the problem on the team and I answered that I'll just talk to the person since beating him up is not an option to which resulted them to laugh out loud) person.

The interview went well and it was funny most of the time, but I'm not sureif I would make it. My teammates were already teasing me about my new position (supposedly) and said not to say anything too soon. I hate to jinx it I guess.

If I become a PS that's one helluva an achievement in my career. If not, oh well. But I sure hope that I become one, a PS that is.

Who knows?

restoration

Ok so my coach is back to his usual insane self. Although he was blabbing about being strict and stuff (and he is) he is now back to his usual self. Looks like everything has been cleared out and fixed.

I was on leave when things were cleared out among us. But it was back to almost the way it used to.

Does that make sense?

supervisor-agent relationship: fragile

We all have our ups and downs in this company, but we have our team and our immediate supervisor to draw strength from, like one would do for a family. This kind of relationship is needed especially in a call center since our team is considered to be our family and our world.

So far we have been enjoying a wonderful relationship with our supervisor, like a friend and brother we never had (or if we do, like we missed). But sometimes, we end up crossing the line between work and personal life.

That is what had just happened yesterday. All because of a misunderstanding. Thanks to an absent-minded teammate and a personal crisis on our coach's part, just exploded. He left us in the middle of the shift and spent the rest of it brooding, I guess. Before he left, he all sent us an IM saying what a bunch of ingrates we are and we have the nerve to talk behind his back.

I was at a loss. I racked my head on what I've done now but I can't think of any. I know I've done some things that made him upset (like remarking carelessly that I wanted to be in another team) but at that time I had no idea what he was referring to.

It feels bad that it had to change this horribly. I wonder if everything would be back the way it used to?

What am I thinking? Of course not!

Ako si M16

I only saw the video of this once in MYX and it stuck on my head.

"Ako si M-16"
by junior kilat

Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite

..:..
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!

Ang akong mga bala, hastang pwerting baratoha
Ayaw lang katingala, kung supplier di magpaila
Ang akong mga bala, hastang pwerting baratoha
Ayaw lang katingala, kung supplier di magpaila

Buy-one take-one kung walay gyera
Presyo times two kung election o kudeta
Buy-one take-one kung walay gyera
Presyo times two kung election o kudeta

..:..
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!

Kini si M203, kini sa M203
Ang bala kusgan, kini si M203
Kini si M203, kini sa M203
Ang bala kusgan, kini si M203

Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil
Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil
Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil
Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil

..:..
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!

--Turntable Solo-
--Guitar Solo-

Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite

Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,
Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,
Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,
Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,

Bratatatatatatatatat

power of anger

I've always been told that I was born angry either by my relatives or my closest friends. I wonder if that is even true since I talk, act and move angrily. Maybe it is.

People think I am angry 24/7 but in reality, I'm not. Maybe I've been so mad for most of my whole life that it comes out naturally. My closest friends were already very much used to my mood swings and surges of rage but people who just met me are well, either scared or they go away or misunderstand me thinking that I'm mad at them, which most of the time I am not.

It is my habit to let out my anger since keeping them is painful, literally and figuratively. In my work, I am known as an irate agent, someone who gets really angry in the phone and has a tendency to pick a fight with a customer. In my former job, irate agents are the best ones. Even in my current job, even if I am an irate agent my perfomance is good if not great. My teammate remarked on that saying: "Irate na 'yan." When I've been consistently getting good scores.

For one thing this feeling has kept me strong for the past 8 years but it is getting tiring and I am not happy anymore. Not to mention that it is not fun to be alone because of snapping peoples' heads off.

I was promised by my coach here at work to be nicer on the phone since I always begin my day by yelling at the PC and cursing. In this case, maybe I'm tired of coming to work where you know that you're being made an ass of but still comes to work because you have to, not because you enjoy going to work.

I don't know what I would be like without my anger. When I think about it, I feel helpless and weak. But myabe I need to rely on my anger. It would kill me one day.

shit happens

Crab mentality is always there regardless of what culture you're on but this type of behavior is more prevalent in Filipinos and had it refined into a fine art.

This is defined as: if I can't have it, then you can't have it either. Since I'm so green with envy about your life, I'm going to make sure that you're going down...hard.

I think this is the reason why my new coach is going to quit his job. He is a good person and one of the most technologically-gifted people in the office. He never backs down from anything or anyone, maybe that's why he is perceived as arrogant. Maybe he is but if he has what it takes to be arrogant then he should be right?

He fights for his team and that is one thing I never saw with my previous supervisor. He is very strict but fair in his dealings with us. He's our dedicated PS, coach and friend. He's smart in a streetsmart kinda way and will shoulder our failures so that our career won't be affected. He's not that bad really, very blunt but at least he's being honest and does not talk bullshit.

But some people are scared of him and in Machievellian philosophy: when you fear, you hate. That's what happened in his case.

The bad thing is the entire team is involved in his problems. Management never hesitates to put anyone down regardless of who gets stepped on.

I hate for him to leave since he had done so much for us and it's scary if he does. Where do we go from here? Our team had been together since August of 2004 and that would be detroyed because the senior director and the PQA hates his guts.

Karma will come eventually but I wish they would just up and die. Then let them rot in hell.

getting to know me

01] First name: Maria
[02] Last name : Villacarlos
[03] Chinese name:huh?
[04] Nickname: Rei, Maria, Irate Agent, O Sarcastic One
[05] Gender: F
[06] Age: 25
[07] Birthday: 16th of feb
[08] Height: 5"6
[09] Hair color: Black
[10] Eye color: Brown
[11] Race: Asian
[12] Do you wear glasses/contacts: glasses
[13] Do you have braces: no
[14] Is your hair long or short: long
[15] Where were you born: Baguio City
[16] Current location: office
[17] Zodiac sign: Aquarius
[18] How many languages do u know: 2
[19] Nationality: Filipina
[20] Bad Habits: eating, losing temper as regularly as eating
[21] Piercings you have: 2 in one ear (by accident) and one on the other
[22] Piercings you want: none
[23] Tattoos you have: wala
[24] Tattoos you want: if ever? shoulder
[25] Today's date: 27th of April 2005
[26] The time: 8:31 pm

---SCHOOL LIFE---
[43] Are you still in school: nope
[44] Did you drop out: nope bait ko masyado
[45] Currently in: office
[46] Favorite grade: 85
[47] Least fav grade: 73
[48] Favorite teachers: Professor Praxedes Rosuman
[49] Least fav teacher: a lot especially the ones who blackmail you
[50] Favorite subjects: World History, Evolution, Genetics
[52] Do you buy lunch or bring it: both
[53] Play any sports on the school's team: nope
[54] Do you do any co-curricular activitiy: no
[55] Are you popular: in a good way or a bad way? neither
[56] Favourite dance: boogie
[57] Least fav dance:swing
[58] Favorite memories: anything regarding friends and family
[59] Least fav memories: ones that you'd rather forget
[60] Most humiliating moment: pag natatpilok sa kalye

--FAVOURITES--
[61] Number: 7
[63] Shoes: rubber shoes and sandals
[64] Phrases: Anak ng kalungkutan..
[65] TV shows: CSI: New York, Miami and the original CSI
[66] Sports: BAsketball thanks to slam dunk
[70] Magazine: Cosmopolitan Philippines
[71] Actor: Liam Neeson, Allan Rickman, Hayden Christensen
[72] Actress: Jodie Foster,
[73] Candy: bazooka bubblegum, XO Caramel
[74] Gum:juicy fruit
[75] Scent:fruity scents
[76] Choc Bar: Hershey's Cookies and cream
[77] Ice cream flavour: Ube
[79] Seasons:dry seson pag december na
[80] Holiday: New Year
[81] Brands: hand me downs hehehehe
[85] Types of music: vaires but mostly R&B
[86] Things in your room: radio, bed and table
[88] Radio station:Big FM (Baguio_
[89] TV channel:AXN, History Channel
[90] Food: pasta
[92] Store: depends
[94] Fast food: Chowking
[95] Restaurants: Teriyaki Boy!
[97] Songs: changes every mood
[98] Instrument:piano
[99] Person you love: real one or the illusion?
[100]What do you wanna say most now: I WANT A VACATION!!

inexplicable mood

I am in a very bad mood right now, torn between lashing out and crying. It began this morning when I am saying a term that I don't know. It's stupid, but well...so I'm very pissed off right now to the extent that I am thinking of requesting to be moved to another team.

Of course that is silly of me not to mention shallow but I already felt this way for quite someitme. They're good people I know but not the type of crowd I'm used to. I can ride along with the racy jokes and biting remarks but people have tolerance level and sometimes that runs out.

I'm too different, I felt that and I guess so do they. They call me morbid when I'm being sarcastic. I'm in an environment that has a black sense of humor? My sister has an even darker sense of humor (due to the risks involved in her job) and my father has the darkest even to the point of making jokes about my sister who was in the hospital due to malaria. But he meant well, he was trying his best to lighten things up because even he too was worried but did not want to join the bunch.

I have an ego the size of Asia, ok maybe that is not even the appropriate term but I am a very proud person. And I hate being made a fool out of.

One of these days I might ask to be moved to another team. But now is not the time. I've been in this team too long to give that up, they're the only people I know and even if I do move to another team that consists of the ones I am closed with, there would be changes. I learned the hard way that you can't go back to the way it used to be with the people you know and loved.

50-50

I was torn in two places on what I should choose: a new opportunity or a stable but painful situation. I did took that chance but I was left confused. I was asked if I can wait, I said yes. But when I left, I was mad at myself.

Maybe I did need to wait. Who knows? A lot can happen in three months.

contemplations of a woman torn

For the past weeks I have been thinking a lot and it involves my job most of the time. Mainly because I suddenly became lazy and demoralized or would demotivated be a better term? An opportunity presents itself and I took advantage of it. But that opportunity also involves risk of losing it. Then again, everything we do always involves risk.

Now I am almost there, but I need to think hard on this chance. Real hard.

Pope John Paul II (1920-2005)

I know this is not the usual my-workplace-sucks blog but I wanted to write something about the late Pope.

I don't know what to say. I mean I'm no CNN commentator or a New York Times journalist, just an ordinary adult Catholic. I saw him in the tv when I was 15. He visited the Philippines for the second time during World Youth Day. It was overwhelming to see him on TV how much more if in person?

I was sad and got caught in the hype when he was dying. He was already sick with Parkinson's disease and he is too weak to even sit up in the Easter Mass. We agreed at home that it was about time that he died because he's too sick. But I admire his fighting spirit as he was dying. He didn't want to go back to the hospital. Maybe he knew that his time has come.

I keep tabs with CNN and BBC World (local networks just suck big time) and when he did die, it was a shock and at the same time it isn't. He's too old and Parkinson's Disease aggravated him further, it's time to go. But it hurts. After all, he is the leader of the Catholic church (all 1 billion of 'em) and has guided us Catholics for the past 26 years of his life.

He is a champion of the poor and the oppressed, granted his views on birth control, abortion, communism, celibacy, women priests and homosexuality is debatable he still managed to unite all peoples of all religions (and all walks of life) in this planet of ours. I mean he is the first pope to visit a mosque, a synagogue and forgave his assassin. Unless all of these are just for a show. If that's the case then he's been playing this charade for 26 years, which I doubt.

Next to Mother Teresa, or rather St. Mother Teresa, the late pope is one of our role models. He is young and energetic and the charisma he possessed is irreplacable. It's going to be tough for the next pope to continue what Karol Wotyla has started. Good luck to him.

But let's also hope that the next pope would be not too traditional. The world is changing and so should the church.

Lenten Season: time to reflect

Sure I have to work during the first three days during the holy week but luckily for me, my day-off was on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. My sister and I went to Baguio Cathedral not becuase we want to see the President of the Republic of the Philippines but to go to confession. It is the only church that caters to confession at night. Our parish church does not have confessions on Holy Thursdays.

My sister went there and there was no priest. So we decided to eat dinner at a fast food and stroll a little. When we got back to the church we saw a long line in the confessional booth. The bad thing is, there was only one priest! Anyway, to kill time, my sister and I exchanged stories about which one of us has a morbid sense of humor and about Religion. I'm sure the man behind us was annoyed for us being so noisy in church but was too polite to say so or he just ignored us.

I was able to confess but not my sister and she was so annoyed.

Good Friday was ok. I nearly fell asleep during the seven last words and I have to scracth myself to be awake. But before that we had stations of the cross my mind was thinking of what I have become and where I should be going and what goals to reach. For the past years I never made a definite goal or plans in my life because I never realize them. I planned to be a doctor but ended up in tech support. I planned to be a coach, I wasn't promoted.

But now I guess it's time to start setting goals huh? No wonder I never get anywhere.

Goals in life:

1. Get a job- done that
2. Get promoted- almost there but not quite
3. Get laid- not yet there, but wish was there
4. Get married and have kids- not yet found a man foolish enough to marry me
5. Die- obviously not yet since I'm still alive

Ok, ok, don't take those seriously since I was being sarcastic (again) about my plans in life. I'm still formulating my plans and goals in life along the way.

new coach...awkward situation...resolved

Recently, our old coach was transferred to another department called ABAY (no, not Ebay we're not a shopping site), which is an area where the newly-deployed trainees would be given a certain time period to adjust on the floor. You know to be ready if they get an idiotic customer or an extremely irate one, which made most of the not-so experienced agents cry or contemplate on resigning. So we got a new coach who had been through with so much hell, I wonder why he hasn't died yet.

Anyway, the new coach is ok and very technical. He is a nice guy (even took us out at Nevada Square for a drink after work) and easygoing, not to mentio giving basta 'wag lang abusuhin. Good right?

NOT! During the time at Nevada Square he told us the reason why he didn't want to be deployed in our team. The first reason would be confidential but the second one I don't mind exposing it. After all, this has something to do with me. It is because his ex-girlfriend is one of my friends since high school. So, it is understandable why this is awkward for both me and the new coach.

His ex might think that having me and him in the same office gives her the privelege to use me as their watchdog. No way! I am not a third party software or router that would connect two people who are obviously NOT meant for each other, whose union could mean disaster.

I told my friend to dump him since he's just screwing around but she refuses to do so. I called her martyr and stupid but she still refuses to leave him.

Stupidity or true love?

Anyway, I spoke to him last night and had a talk about that issue and luckily for us, we manage to fix it. He also felt the same way as I did and hated being hounded. After our talk, he instantly spoke to my friend since he came back a few seconds later, he told me that she was sorry.

Good.

Now I can be his subordinate without feeling awkward.